Friday, March 19, 2010

A Tough Day

When days go well, you know that there may be tough ones in the shadows. That was the case with today. From early on it was obvious it would be a tough day.

Shortly after Peter woke up, he took my hand and guided me upstairs. He took me into Elyse's room, moved a few things out of his way, and climbed up on the edge of her crib to look in; just like he used to do after nap time to check if she was awake yet. He asked where she was and then proceeded to point our her blanket and pillow. Needless to say, I lost it.

Please understand that this was not a bad moment. It was a hard moment. I'm so grateful that Peter has special memories of his sister, and I'm grateful that he talks about her. It's just hard. And of course that set the mood for the day. Several more times I'd think through the last month and sadness would come upon me. I'd think about my precious little girl, and I'd just miss her. It was one of those days where a lump would rest at the bottom of my throat all day long.

I'm okay with these kinds of days, but they are a challenge.

Prayer requests for today:

  • March 27 is only a week away. Please pray for us as her first birthday approaches. We will celebrate her life, but we will hurt.
  • I'm starting a journal of all my memories of Elyse. Please pray that God will bring to my mind these precious memories, so that we can treasure them and pass them on to Peter and the other siblings to come.
  • Please pray for our time in the Word. We treasure the time, but sometimes it's hard to know exactly where to go.
  • We are not far away from getting the official cause of death from the coroner. Please pray for how we will disseminate this information.
  • We praise God for how He has drawn April and me closer to each other.
  • We praise God for the overall peace He's given us.
  • We praise God for the friends He's placed beside us, especially during some of the darker moments.
  • We praise God for how He continues to restore Peter.


Shannon said...


Again, I just want you to know that you and April come to my mind several times each day. I try to stop and pray for you guys each time. Will and Elyse shared a birthday, and I will be praying for your family on this special day. I hope it is a time of remembrance and celebration of your beautiful little girl. Thanks for posting your prayer requests. It helps me know what to be praying for you and your family.

MattBach said...

Cliff, as I have been thinking about you and writing a quite lengthy (but I believe not overwhelmingly long) and looking at your list of how to pray I thought I would encourage you and April to spend some time studying Isa.55. I spent many months stirring on it last year, and even began writing some thoughts for a small book on it... I would love to chat with you some time on that passage...

Love you guys and thinking of you...

M Bach

MattBach said...
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The Ousdahls said...

Dear Cliff,

This is my first "comment" on your page, but my no means my first time thinking of you guys or praying for you guys!! You and your family are heavy on my and Matt's heart! Often, Matt and I pray for you guys and cry for you guys too. But more often, we send up individual prayers for you guys! So, I just wanted to let you all know that someone in Delaware is keeping you in prayer. I read every post and am glad that you are blogging about this. We have 2 other friends, one here in our church and one from Matt's hometown, that each have lost a young child (the first family lost 2), but they blog about it and it is AMAZING to read all that God has done and continues to do through the loss!

May God continue to bring you all His peace!

--Melissa Ousdahl

Sara and Brad Auch said...

We both thank you and april for your prayers and keeping us in your thoughts, we have done the same for you and your family. It is kind of comforting to know someone going through a very similar situation at the same time, helps to know what we feel and are going through is natural. I will be praying for you about the autopsy results, we received the preliminary results but we are still waiting for the final results. Also, I wanted to say that your idea about journaling all your memories of Elyse is amazing! I am going to now do the same with Michael, its a great idea. Well again, thank you for your prayers and love. You will remain in our thoughts and prayers as well.

Bunnie said...

Thank you for sharing the exact requests and praises. Praying & praying...The Gerbers